Monday, February 17, 2014

Morning Meditations/ Prayer

I know that both meditation and prayer are touchy subjects for most everyone.Especially in the music scene I'm somewhat known in I think most people are very intolerant to either of these.I know for years I almost hated the idea of either one. I was an extreme case of a person who had built his existence and mission of artistic vision on a huge resentment towards God himself.As suprising as it may seem though I have always believed in God. I believe now I had a warped sense or understanding of God though. Being raised Catholic with a dash of Southern Baptist had created a sense of hatred,anger and fear.Im not sure what or which incident surrounding Catholicism had set me on my complete denial of being a Catholic but I knew exactly what those Baptist Ministers had done and I still have anger for those men no matter how good their intentions to "save my soul."
   I built much of buzzoven on this anger and hatred for organized religion. Although not as angry today, I have found little use for organized religion. In Recovery I have searched though. Searching for answers that don't really exist have brought me to the conclusion that I can be a Man of God and society can still keep its religions.I do believe in morals and trying to live by a good example and walking in a manner to set a good example. This is no easy task. I especially find difficulty because simply I have come to enjoy Chaos.I have had people tell me I'm addicted to Chaos.Maybe this is fact but I know as I've grown older I'm becoming more content with simpler things. For me to I have found it absolutely crucial to Pray. There is freedom in prayer.After living in a self made prison for most of my life,a small taste of Freedom is nice. Try it!!