Saturday, January 23, 2010

Insanity from another perspective

You know im just not sure where to really start here.If You know me or Youve read this Blog at all is blatantly obvious,at least i would think,that i struggle with the disease of addiction.So anyway ive been in an on going process for years but way more involved for the past couple months with Rehab/Recovery House/Detox etc...Anyway ive always known that i got loaded cause i couldnt deal with how i felt and everything but damn if ever saw such a cluster fuck of a person who supposedly is in Recovery.I mean this dude would make a crackhouse look tame when hes only turned up to like level 6 if you get what im saying.Im in the woods outside of Charlotte in a house with an insane country ass queer whos supposed to be helping me get well!!I dont feel very positive to say the least.Maybe this is my Karma for the drama ive caused in others lives fuck i dont know but it seems i cant get away from the chaos even trying to get to place of changing my life.Its a scenario that is so hard to put into words.I mean hey ive been on the road with the likes of the Mentors,GWAR,EHG,and led a crazy fucking existence and this dude and this situation is making my jaw hang open and say "damn"!!I keep asking myself what do i do?When will it end?etc....etc......but for now im here so let the show go on.......

Thursday, January 21, 2010


Well its been quite sometime since ive wrote on this blog and im gonna try to get back to it and share with everyone whats goin on with me!!As most who know me or anyone who has read anything on this blog i think its evident i struggle with the a disease they call ADDICTION!!Ive been on a medication called Methadone for 10 years and have wanted to get off of it for awhile now and have tried afew times with no luck.The withdrawl from this substance is long and very painful and ive never been able to make it past more than like 8-10 days without it.Anyway this past November i got locked up for Trespassing of all things and couldnt make bond and was in jail for around 3 weeks kicking the methadone the entire time.Needless to say when i got out i was still sick and got back on but stayed at a low milligram with the intention to getoff once and for all.Ive had to switch over to another newer medicine that works a little diffrently called suboxone but from what ive been told its much easier to ween off of this than the methadone plus you get the suboxone from a doctor not a clinic.
Along with this ive dedicated myself back to the recovery process and 12 step meetings etc...Now some of you may think this is hokey or lame or whatever but for me man its a matter of ive come to a point where im such a miserable person with or without drugs that its either try something diffrent or just go on and blow my fucking head off!!Thats the only way i know how to put it.Ive just gotten to a point where it seems like no matter how hard i try to get things together in diffrent areas of my life i fall short every time.Im always saying im half the man i used to be well maybe if i do this program a man i never even knew i could be.I plan to write and journal here as often as i can.Im also gonna start putting excerpts from my memoir ive been working on which is mostly stories from days on the road with my band buzzov-en.
Anyway i hope maybe someone might get something from reading this blog cause im gonna be doin it for me mainly!!!