Shit Talking Fools

Say what you will as i choose to stay to my own self and be true.If you must stir up drama to make your life eventful please leave me out of it.Ive had and stirred enough shit up for 10 lives lived in this attention seeking misery and a waste of oxygen.I have love for all my friends past and present but as many in my life have done me in times of utter chaos i will just cut you out and not respond to this fucking ignorance.Music is art:its not a contest and their are no winners and losers if you are creating and accomplishing even small goals of attainment with whatever your art or form of self expression.Life is misery at times and learning to chanel it thru music not social breast beating is my mission.Anyway just wanted to get that off my chest!!!See ya'all on the west coast on the upcoming buzzoven tour!!!

Drama and a little more DRAMA!!

Okay as i wrap up another weekend of k.lloyd shows i must say its hard to stay hopeful and feel that anyone is getting it.As well as the bullshit that goes hand in hand with being around old friends who dont get along or have some problem with each other.Im ready to get back to work on my new k.lloyd material and get into the studio.I mean their are so many people that i love and care about it and have history with but fuck i dont wanna deal with their bullshit and their conflicts with each other for whatever reason.Its not my bussiness or problem.Anyway without naming names etc....2 people who are close friends broke into near fight before i was about to play and man im like over all the bullshit.I just wanna play and not have this kind of crap to deal with and then others who were their with me who act as if im to cater to them and do nothing but bitch and stick their nose in at every turn of the clock....UUGGGGHHHHHHH>>>>>>>>>..........Somehow,someway this is going to get to a better place and i think with more touring and especially an actual new label deal things will get better.I love playing my solow stuff man and its challenging.Buzzoven is great too but its like riding a bike with the heavy stuff.Doin k.lloyd is like where my heart is and its real man.Yeah i have some off nights(like tonite)where im goin out of key alot and things just arent clickin but i also remember the vulnerbility of playing alone and just acoustic and vocals and remember ive slowly gotten a little better and its what i love.If some people get it cool.If not well...well oh well!!As for the friends that i have that continue to bring havok and seem to not get the fact that im doing a job and i just cant be a part of their drama nor can i get all stressed trying to be sure they are ok etc....untill later on.Also to everyone.This is all i have to make a living right now so FYI i cant afford to give away stuff.I mean i wish i could give everyone everything for free and especially my friends and former bandmates.As for the one person i cant wait to see if he rears his head out of his hole as buzzoven hits the west coast your a weak,ignorant,selfish and unimportant entity in my world and life but know i want MY Painting back!!!Your lies and backstabbing caught up with you even though you found yer little loophole and the third member of these matters has informed me of your obsession and your bold face lies.Not even sure why im wasting this space or thought on you.So i will not continue.
Thanks to all who came to the show here in Norfolk and In Richmond as well.See ya soon-kirklloyd

Shut The Fuck Up!!!!

Okay Why the fuck do people go to shows then stand around and talk so loud that they cant even hear the music.The show in Richmond was in downtown Richmond and had a mix of people that id never expect to see at any show of k.lloyd or buzzoven.Anyway it went ok and the girl that opened was amazing.Super good voice and just really talented.Played a Skynyrd cover that was really good and made it her own fer sure.Everyone seemed to know her and her music and was into it,but when i went on didnt seem to enjoy my stuff as much.People were talking so loud that it was pissing me off and just wanted to tell them to get the fuck out.I did tell them to shut up when i was playing "in your devils time" which is a song written for my fallen brother Buddy Apostolis.They still wouldnt shut up.
Im hopin tonite here in Norfolk will be better.Its a club/restaraunt.Anyway it remains to be seen.Will let ya know!!

Gone But Not Forgotten

Guess i decided on this title as its my favorite song right now by one of my favorite new outlaws and good friend Shelton"Hank"Williams III.Just rolled into Richmond Va. at 8 am this mornin and its a beautiful day but i must admit passing through areas of my old stomping grounds was a little creepy and surreal.Thats where i feel this overwhelming feeling in my gut because of course by no fault of the town i just get this mental recall of the way i was living here and it was a dark,dark time in my life.But i also put it into perspective by remembering that all those events and times of darkness ans desperation are what made me the person i am today.A very good old friend of mine picked me up from the greyhound station and just the few hours hanging out and talking was really cool and helpful to getting there perspective on having to live in the middle of where they also led a pretty bleak existene.
Anyway my show is tonite and got some good budddys drivin over from Hampton VA.!When they arrive im sure the chaos will begin.Im glad im out here doin my solow thing as it is my lifes blood to play music and doing these solow acoustic shows are like startin all over with building a fan base etc...The diffrence is though that im out here travelin on my own and that is a little more,whats the word im looking for to desceibe it?),uneasy cause with buzzov-en i always had a pack of guys with me and we helped each other and had each other to fall back on or depend on no matter what.Well most of my crew were like that anyway.I miss those guys from the early buzzoven days(Mykull Davidson,Ashley w.,Pat Vigil,Buddy Apostolis[R.I.P.],Dennis Woolard.Dave"mohawk"Miranda,Matt Pinkerton and so on......)but doing this solow thing has really been a learning expierence and something ive pushed myself through with the help of some good friends to kick it off like Jimmy Bower and T-Roy.I honestly was ready to throw in the towell on music all together about 4 years back but doing my solow stuff started back when i was in Rehab in 1998 and it kept me goin and look at where things are now.Buzzoven is back in full swing and i believe after i get an official k.lloyd release i believe it will pick up as well.The drugs and the lifestyle tried to take my soul and even though for the most party they are GONE,They are definately not forgotten.Think im gonna take a walk down through ny old stomping ground and plug in my earphones and Jam this amazing tune by III."Gone But Not Forgotton"!!!!An awesome tune to feel and remember where i came from and where im at today.Thanks Shelton.Hope this Richmond show goes well.Im dedicating it to the memory of my former bandmate and friend Buddy Apoostolis who is gone but will NEVER be forgotten.Later ya'all.

Vagabond:Livin Town To Town

Well ive got k.lloyd shows in Va the 27 and 28 and a k.lloyd show in Wilmingto Dec.4 befor we rehearse and fly out to San Diego for the Buzzoven west coast tour.With no car i have to rely on Greyhound and Amtrak to get to these shows which sux sometimes but it also it adds to the adventure.Tryin to get k.lloyd known and hey if this is what it takes im totally willing to do it.I enjoy it but also enjoy the peace of bein settled.But needless to say as Buzzoven fulfills its busy 2011 touring schedule you can bet ill be out in the off time doin k.lloyd shows.Looks like i might open for EHG and Crowbar this dec.2 at the tremont here in Charlotte.So ya'all wish me luck and when i get access ill be puttin up daily updates of my road adventures from both Buzzoven and k.lloyd tours.Maybe their will be some interesting tales to tell.I have a feeling thats a definate.Anyway the Vagabond life is back and im excited to get out there as much as possible!!!Later ya'all!!!

Out In South Carolina

Well ive been staying out in the boonies of S.Carolina for the past few weeks since coming back from the Buzzoven East coast tour and a few k.lloyd shows here and there.Anyway i must say the peace and serenity(as well as no known dealers)have made my struggle with staying sane while being more clean alot easier.One day as i rebuild my shattered life i hope to be able to have something like this to call my own as im only renting a spare room in someone elses house.Its so cool the quiet and just serene feeling that you this area of the country in the country exhudes.The only chaos and confusion is in my good ole brain but hey i have good days and bad days.For those of you who are just getting introduced to my blog i welcome you and want to say i usually have always been pretty out front and public with my being fucked up.Still am in the head but not even close in the abuse of substances anymore.This blog wont be strictly on this subject but it will be touched on many,many times im sure in the coming future as it has in the past.On that note not alot to say today accept its been an ok day and i hope that it continues that way.Anyway welcome to my page of meaningless ramblings and thoughts as well as road stories as my schedule is thickening again with both buzzov-en and k.lloyd in full swing.Wanted to come clean on the fact that i was a nervous wreck befor that first buzzov-en show in Charlotte after not performing anything but k.lloyd on occasions in 12 years.I must admit my balls grew back to normal and now their swinging.Lets just see if i can continue to build some healthy confidence.Sorry if some of this sound all self-help gay and shit but man ive put myself(and many around me)through absolut hell in the past days especially around buzzoven and im trying to become a better man,son and person so i guess get over it or call me sappy"i really dont give a fuck"Not lookin for attention just wanna share this stuff with those of you that can relate and tell that one person out there still in"HELL"that you can break free but it aint easy and its day to day.Ok imm gonna shut up.Later Ya'all!!kirklloyd

Balls Growing Bigger!!

I know a stupid title huh??Well its the only way i can describe the feeling of how it was AFTER we completed the first Buzzov-en show in Charlotte at The Tremont.I was so hemmed up backstage and nervous i was "wound up tighter than a ticks ass" my good buddy and Bassist Dixie Dave said.I guess the good thing about all of it is it shows myself how important it is to me that things went well and the crowd got what they came for.I mean i heard everything from people were placing bets that i wouldnt show up to we would sound like shit because we had not and would not rehearse etc....etc....and if nothing else i was ready to show those fucks whos back from the dead.Well you know what i mean.So needless to say after a long fucking day we got on stage in Charlotte and i think put on a pretty damn good show.

Adventures in Feeling True Emotion Again!

As i drift slowly back into life without being constantly NUMB its not been so easy but its definately becoming more tolerable and i still have no desire to return to complete personal hell!It is difficult removing certain things from your life though and even more difficult disconnecting from people you love but just really are not healthy to be around.Old habits are hard to break!!Ive become an employed member of society and even though it passes the hours and provides a little $$$ i remember why i took up touring and music to get away from this mundane day to day existence.Its whats best for now though i guess.
Sometime in late May ill be travelling to Wilmington to rehearse with Ramzi and "Dixie"Dave for upcoming buzzov-en shows this fall and needless to say im excited but also a little fearful of this upcoming venture.There is a struggle in me to pursue my old love and life of this band.Im not the same man i was for sure but i think maybe the rage and energy i had when i first started the band is where im back to in a way.Which is fine but i cannot and will not follow the path i took personally from the years being in buzzov-en.Im excited to play some heavy music again but its gonna be diffrent.I guess we will see where the new tunes take us.
But at the same time im continuing my love of acoustic/outlaw country,etc...with my k.lloyd venture.Ive got 2 songs me and Jimmy Bower and Earl Jr.did while i was in NOLA the last time that are really good and i think will come out under the name GATOR.Its The Disciples and i still have a full length record of all k.lloyd songs with those cats from NOLA backing me which gave my songs a much needed shot in the arm.HAHA.......!I lookl forward to getting back down there to do some more songs with those guys hopefully real soon.Its funny how so many cool things have happened and ive made some pretty decent music over these past years but not of it never really took flight.Hopefully after doing the buzzov-en shows this fall it will mnopen the door to get k.lloyd and Gator more out there and available for people to hear.Ill be doing more k.lloyd shows fer sure.
Well im planning to stay on this new path im on and hopefully ill find the time to get more into writing and also working on the book ive beenplanning of old road tales and i guess a memoir of sorts.I will certainly try as its something ive aalways loved but just like anything else its getting started on it most of the time thats difficult.But once i start ill do it and do more,and more,and more...........!!Untill next time Later,kirklloyd

Insanity from another perspective

You know im just not sure where to really start here.If You know me or Youve read this Blog at all is blatantly obvious,at least i would think,that i struggle with the disease of addiction.So anyway ive been in an on going process for years but way more involved for the past couple months with Rehab/Recovery House/Detox etc...Anyway ive always known that i got loaded cause i couldnt deal with how i felt and everything but damn if ever saw such a cluster fuck of a person who supposedly is in Recovery.I mean this dude would make a crackhouse look tame when hes only turned up to like level 6 if you get what im saying.Im in the woods outside of Charlotte in a house with an insane country ass queer whos supposed to be helping me get well!!I dont feel very positive to say the least.Maybe this is my Karma for the drama ive caused in others lives fuck i dont know but it seems i cant get away from the chaos even trying to get to place of changing my life.Its a scenario that is so hard to put into words.I mean hey ive been on the road with the likes of the Mentors,GWAR,EHG,and led a crazy fucking existence and this dude and this situation is making my jaw hang open and say "damn"!!I keep asking myself what do i do?When will it end?etc....etc......but for now im here so let the show go on.......

RECOVERY????

Well its been quite sometime since ive wrote on this blog and im gonna try to get back to it and share with everyone whats goin on with me!!As most who know me or anyone who has read anything on this blog i think its evident i struggle with the a disease they call ADDICTION!!Ive been on a medication called Methadone for 10 years and have wanted to get off of it for awhile now and have tried afew times with no luck.The withdrawl from this substance is long and very painful and ive never been able to make it past more than like 8-10 days without it.Anyway this past November i got locked up for Trespassing of all things and couldnt make bond and was in jail for around 3 weeks kicking the methadone the entire time.Needless to say when i got out i was still sick and got back on but stayed at a low milligram with the intention to getoff once and for all.Ive had to switch over to another newer medicine that works a little diffrently called suboxone but from what ive been told its much easier to ween off of this than the methadone plus you get the suboxone from a doctor not a clinic.
Along with this ive dedicated myself back to the recovery process and 12 step meetings etc...Now some of you may think this is hokey or lame or whatever but for me man its a matter of ive come to a point where im such a miserable person with or without drugs that its either try something diffrent or just go on and blow my fucking head off!!Thats the only way i know how to put it.Ive just gotten to a point where it seems like no matter how hard i try to get things together in diffrent areas of my life i fall short every time.Im always saying im half the man i used to be well maybe if i do this program a man i never even knew i could be.I plan to write and journal here as often as i can.Im also gonna start putting excerpts from my memoir ive been working on which is mostly stories from days on the road with my band buzzov-en.
Anyway i hope maybe someone might get something from reading this blog cause im gonna be doin it for me mainly!!!