Thursday, January 21, 2010

RECOVERY????

Well its been quite sometime since ive wrote on this blog and im gonna try to get back to it and share with everyone whats goin on with me!!As most who know me or anyone who has read anything on this blog i think its evident i struggle with the a disease they call ADDICTION!!Ive been on a medication called Methadone for 10 years and have wanted to get off of it for awhile now and have tried afew times with no luck.The withdrawl from this substance is long and very painful and ive never been able to make it past more than like 8-10 days without it.Anyway this past November i got locked up for Trespassing of all things and couldnt make bond and was in jail for around 3 weeks kicking the methadone the entire time.Needless to say when i got out i was still sick and got back on but stayed at a low milligram with the intention to getoff once and for all.Ive had to switch over to another newer medicine that works a little diffrently called suboxone but from what ive been told its much easier to ween off of this than the methadone plus you get the suboxone from a doctor not a clinic.
Along with this ive dedicated myself back to the recovery process and 12 step meetings etc...Now some of you may think this is hokey or lame or whatever but for me man its a matter of ive come to a point where im such a miserable person with or without drugs that its either try something diffrent or just go on and blow my fucking head off!!Thats the only way i know how to put it.Ive just gotten to a point where it seems like no matter how hard i try to get things together in diffrent areas of my life i fall short every time.Im always saying im half the man i used to be well maybe if i do this program a man i never even knew i could be.I plan to write and journal here as often as i can.Im also gonna start putting excerpts from my memoir ive been working on which is mostly stories from days on the road with my band buzzov-en.
Anyway i hope maybe someone might get something from reading this blog cause im gonna be doin it for me mainly!!!