Tuesday, September 13, 2016

                     Time Passes Quickly  

So here it is.September 2016 and i realize i haven't done anything here in my blog close to 2 years.It has been a rough couple of years.I have done a lot ,mostly dealing with my addiction.I went to a long term rehab and actually completed the damn thing.I usually say "fuck it"and leave because i just couldn't stand the slow pace of counseling, group sessions and all that goes with Rehab.So after that i was able to stay completely clean and sober for right under a year.Needless to say, the monkey jumped on my back and came back with a vengeance. I was literally in the fetal position shaking and crying cause i wanted to get high so bad.I knew if i ventured back to the needle though i would be off and running and who knows if i would survive another run and even live through it? So i made the decision to get back on Methadone which given, is a powerful narcotic itself and really hard to withdrawl from. But given the amount of years i had been using and how long term Opiate abuse changes your body chemistry and endorphin levels for life, the need for medicinal assisted recovery is completely understandable in my situation. Recovery counselors and people in 12 step programs constantly talk against it. Medical doctors and the health community at large recommend it strongly do to the amount of people who practice abstinence based recovery who relapse and die due to that your body doesn't have the tolerance it once did. Many opiate addicts relapse and die from that first shot. There is a resurgence of Heroin in the US due to doctors prescribing high powered narcotics for pain issues. As the street price of these pills , like oxycontin , oxycodone and hydrocodone, continue to rise, opiate addicts start buying heroin cause its cheaper and stronger than any of those pills i just mentioned. So on with my own experience here. I made this decision with much caution to accepting it may one day be very drawn out and miserable to withdrawl from the Methadone. I withdrawled from it once after 8 years of taking it and it was quite painful and miserable to go through the symptoms of withdrawal very slowly as to make it less intense. You do this by weening off the Methadone just a few milligrams ever 2-4 weeks. So here i am at this point in my recovery, abstinence from all street narcotics and i do still drink some but not in excess. I have been back on Methadone for a couple of years now and i never have cravings that are completely intolerable. I did what i felt i needed to do to have long term success and to slap that fucking Evil Monkey off my back. There opinions abound on this form of treatment and many people think its a crutch or the government giving away drugs blah,blah blah... I do what is best for me and what actually my doctor recommends. People who talk it down but don't have any kind of degree, or training in this field, well i just tell them to shut the fuck up. Anyway i just wanted to give a little reason why i have been kind of out of circulation and staying under the radar for these last couple of years
    So the good news is Buzzoven is definitely returning to the stage starting with 5 dates in late October.We will be doing the long haul.Seattle all the way down to San Diego where we will be playing on Halloween. Support for this tour is the mighty Bongzilla and 16. Should be some good shows and we are excited to be returning to the west coast.We will be touring to support our "Violent Hits" cd on Rusty Knuckles. It will be a compilation of what we think are our best songs. I know a greatest hits cd. How boring. This cd though will bring buzzoven to the many people who have never been able to get any of our cds or records due to them being out of print
So this cd will contain a few songs from the entire collection of buzzoven releases.Probably with some new artwork etc..... 
    We will have a pretty large assortment of merchandise for these shows. Belt buckles, patches, hats, and at least 3-4 shirt designs and probably some hoodies. We will do sort of a meet and greet type thing while the opening bands are playing so that you can get anything you want signed plus see what complete morons we can be.
     Around this tour we will be recording a few new buzzoven songs.One for a split 7" and 2 for our 7" to be released on Rusty Knuckles.Its kind of a secret who the split will be with. Rest assured its a damn good band that also plays heavy music. A bunch of damn yankees though. Anyway we are hoping everything pans out and were able to finish the recording on a super tight recording schedule.
      So I'm planning to start doing this blog thing more often. Especially from the West Coast tour coming up in late October. Ill check in daily from those shows. So whether you subscribe to this Blog or just read it when i post them to the buzzoven page and my personal page i hope they are somewhat of an enjoyable read. Im working on my book again and this will help me sharpen my lack of true writing skills. Its no easy task for one trying to remember things,events and the timeline of our early days.I plan to get both Ashley and Brian from the original lineup to submit a chapter for each. As well as Ramzi and Dixie Dave Collins to write some things from their perspective. Its not going to be strictly about buzzoven but needless to say I'm sure those years and chaotic events will be a large part of the book. As of right now i don't have a title for the book but I'm hoping to get done with it by May/June of 2017. We will see.
      Thanks to everyone who has interest in buzzoven or my solow project k.lloyd, i appreciate your support. I am working at this very moment on my 3rd k.lloyd record for Rusty Knuckles as well.Tenatively titled "Outlaw Prophet". I will go into more details on that at another time. So with that i say Goodbye!!!

Tuesday, September 2, 2014

Mood Swing Mayhem

  So since having a complete nervous breakdown that landed me in the psyche ward not once but 2 times in December of 2013. I feel like im starting to feel a twinkling of balance and feel like maybe now i can put some sense of order into my future days.There is an abundance of ideas i have for doing various projects but honestly i have a very difficult time finding where or how to start some of these.Whether it be due to finances,schedules of other bandmates,physical or mental limitations i just wish that things came as easy as it seems for so many others and i could actually get some of this stuff done or at least having them as "works in progress." Im so envious of some of some of my peers because it seems after making their start around the same time as me ,or in some cases WITH me. When i met someone whom i felt a common bond with and really liked i did what i could do to help them,or should i say spread their exposure. My years of touring in buzzoven,especially the earlier ones,brought me into contact with many people.EyeHateGod was one whom had not been out of their hometown(NOLA) much at all. After witnessing their intensely awesome bluesy hardcore sound i was convinced the world needed to hear this band.It was not a situation of asking bands to come open for buzzoven like we were the BIG headlining act, It was more of an attempt of uniting two bands whom had a common bond and respect for each other and enjoyed hanging out together through the antics of life on tour. Needless to say EHG has become a force to be reckoned with and although both buzzoven and EHG had their similar elements ,we both were the pioneers of a new heavy "Sludge" sound.I think its amazing that they are getting such a great response to their long anticipated new s/t album.
    On the flipside of this subject im speaking of is the friends who stepped away from selling their soul to music and living and breathing their bands more than full time obligations.The guy who now owns his own business and has married a beautiful woman and has a kid or two. Or maybe that person that has to just stay away from the whole environment to hold on to his sanity or even sobriety.I can think of one individual whom literally hung his guitar up and changed into a golf shirt and khakis literally overnight and never looked back. So many people have made different choices for just as many different reasons.
    I know for myself that i have a hard time separating the will to self destruct from the heart,soul and rage i put into writing and performing 2-ens music.Trust me in the light of the overwhelmingly great responses our early 90's peers such as Sleep,EYEHATEGOD and even a rumored return of Acid Bath are getting the time is never more than right.But is it right for me?Obviously it was earlier this year when i was forced to cancel our Roadburn appearance due to Mental Health Illness.I was dissapointed as i know many of you were as well.
    I feel like im just weak,hopeless and lost without playing music but "HOW" do i remain sane and sober in that hostile environment? 
    On the Flipside ,I have been tracking new songs for my 3rd full length release under my k.lloyd persona.Slated to be released on Rusty Knuckles Music as soon as I get it completed.Im excited about this because my 2 previous CDs have been shadowed with little promotion and not even appropriate release.Im thinking of putting together a heavier lineup to take k.lloyd beyond the acoustic mellow tone to full fledged heavy distortion.Only time will tell.
     Regardless I am still here.Im stilll playing and writing music.I have Faith what full path I am to take with live performances as well as completing some other endeavors I have had on the back burner will present itself in due time.                                   

Wednesday, February 26, 2014

Losing All

I can't help but think of my days of past, alone and miserable with a crack pipe and dull syringe lying next to me on the night stand. I suppose I put too much of myself and I'm too honest much of the time. I love to play music and writing is also a newer love of mine. I write this very sentence though with tears in my eyes and a debating thought of whether to admit myself into a psychic observation setting. I will say this though, because of the words and replies of so many ignorant fucking morons I am choosing to keep my own struggles just that. MY OWN! Not that it bothers me that much but why bother going the extra mile if only to be berated with so much judgement. There has been a handful of people who message me and express their gratitude for my willingness to be up front and vocal about my own daily struggles with addiction and Dual Diagnosis. I find when people attack me honing in especially on the word God or the aspect of a higher power, it merely shows their own closed mind and inability to let someone choose their own path or their own belief system which is the only thing I push. Regardless of why people say what they say I am finding such an annoyance with even taking the time to read it and give it my precious time that I am going to take the time to reduce this blog to only go to direct subscribers. I know I need to fix the grammatical error in the title and this I plan to do.
 On a more serious note I have decided that maybe a break from this and social media in general would be good while I deal with my mental condition. I have never in my adult life ever found a true sense of balance and I'm starting to have enough insight to know when I'm heading into a mindset that I cannot trust myself. If you have never lost everything you hold dear to your heart or attempted to take your own life then you probably have no clue what I'm talking about. Regardless to those I know and love and anyone with any faith at all, your prayers would be appreciated. Until I return I wish you all peace and happiness!