Monday, January 2, 2012

Im On Fire For Life

So just let me say its been nothing short of a roller coaster ride since being on this new path clean & sober!! I woke and wake on many days with Anxiety that has me trembling.It sucks at times and its all i can do to just believe and have faith that it will pass.On the other side im so full of unrestrained energy its like im on speed!Fumbling over stuff,running into stuff and just trying to speak as fast as my mind is going.This i kind of,well no who am i fucking kidding,i love it.A friend of mine i wont name cause of the annonymity factor said well thats your so called pink cloud of early recovery.Im like FUCK!!So as i stick with this thing a day at a time i just can feel my mind and body becoming more and more clear!!Im going to an Intensive halfway house program in less than 48 hrs and im excited to take the next step on this journey but also feeding into fear of the unknown.Ive been a master od self sabotage on many occasions.I will sabotage my own success often.My attitude is much diffrent and i hope to stay humble and do what is asked of me as i do realize i am childlike most definately.Coming to realize im most definately crazier than most!They say some are sicker than others.My problem is i like to identify with that one.Who wants to be a normie?Well i also realize that ive got to become personally responsible and i cant just feed into my negative thinking.Im so glad and grateful to have a new chance at a new life and i trust in God to help me through the dark days cause i know there gonna come as they already have.Im also so happy that ive reconnected with friends of past that are like family and ive already been making new ones that are just as important and i know they genuinely care.I hope and pray i can continue to have willingness to stick with this path as im beginning to develop man titties and laugh so loud and hard that i fall often like im still drunk!Hahahahaha........Trust me im crazier without all the drugs and alcohol and im ok with that.Its fun being crazy and laughing.So im hoping ill have the freedom at this halfway house to continue writing in this and ill just keeping on!Its definately progress not perfection with this dope fiend!I just wanna share a quote out of a book im reading that helped me accept moving on to responsibility and living life on lifes terms."if you've been legally dead ever in your life and come back,youre tough enough to learn how to hang out with a group of starangers."-Bucky Sinister