Wednesday, December 21, 2011

God:My issues and acceptance

So as im writing on the 3rd step "We made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of god as we understand him",im not too much into writing and all the sudden a whole lot of anger is coming out of me and im pouring it out pen to paper but immediately feel its wrong.So im trying to not think too much but its blatant and im writing and cussing through the words i write.Im overwhelmed with anger towards diffrent things of the God i understood and the people who i know tried to shove their christian beliefs and ideals down my throat and then i started crying.Feeling stuff and emotions suck.But at the same time im realizing that i do not have to slam a needle in my arm or drink into oblivion over any of these emotions or resentments not yet dealt with.Thats a powerful feeling and thought for this junkie.
I talked to others and was told im right where i need to be and they pointed out that from what ive told them that there is tangible evidence of a higher power working in my life.Shit me being fucking alive is tangible evidence of God for me.So with the suggestion of my sponser and others im connected with im not trying to over think it or more especially ffed into my rebellious spirit and straight defy the concept of that higher power which i call GOD!!!