Friday, May 1, 2009

What is Old??

I just turned 40 and i wasnt very happy about it but to be honest i really dont know why except for the fact that i think none of us like to face the fact that aging is a part of life and that Death is what we are working towards whether we like to acknowledge that fact or not it is just the reality of life.Our time here is very short in comparison to what comes after we leave this plane of existence.We all have diffrent opinions and beliefs on that subject as well and im not gonna sit here and bore you with mine!!I do know that when i was younger i had this silly like belief and want to die at age 27 like so many of our musical heros and icons.Im an addict and i didnt start using necesarily to be like these other artists but i did romanticize the whole dying before my time and being some famous dead junkie/artist/musician and everyone thinking i was so great and cool.I have many friends in the music industry who could be reading this now and laughing and saying to themselves and their other true art friends how cheesy this is but i actually could give a fuck about any of their opinions and i pride myself on being comfortable enough with myself that i can share these thoughts and feelings with all of you because i believe in blunt honesty.Its not always nice or cool but at least its the truth and not a piece of make believe crap that is written to boast my ego or my fake gratitude to people who i really have little interest in!!
Thats right im 40 now and i may be broke and have no job and no home of my own but im rich in Faith and im working on myself and also trying to learn to be a friend and do what i can to help others.The legacy i wanna leave behind is i was a good man that loved everyone and would give you the shirt off my back if you needed it.Also most all people close to me no matter what they do i will love them unconditionally.Especially when it comes to battling the disease Addiction.I will always put out my arm and hand to any of my brothers no matter what they have done and i will forgive them and try and help them forgive themselves.I know my difficulty forgiving me has kept me sick and still does from time to time.To my brothers who are struggling with thid disease but have some time under their belt i wanna say im happy and proud of you but please dont forget where you came from and know from my own expierence your only one bad decision away from that pipe,powder,syringe or whatever would bring you down or even worse kill you!!!
Im going to do my best with gods help to make this chapter in my life a productive one and im hoping thru staying busy and getting help with my disease that i can keep my demons at bay but also tap into them for inspiration with my writing and music!!!My evil monkey is in my closet so when i open that door i gotta be careful cause he still likes to run off on occasions!!
Anyway thanks to all my friends and family for putting up with me and to the friends who have bannished me,well ill pray for you!!!I hope and pray for a good year and im gonna work at it and do my part to stay strong and get things done.
Im gonna start back with this blog as well so thanks to all of you who read it and support me on my art and music.Untill next time be kind to those closest to you and always try love and compassion before anger and self centerdness.Trust me though it does take lots of practice!!Take care!!! k.lloyd