Thursday, May 7, 2009
FRAYED
As i become more intwined in this emotional turmoil i step back to see what has relly happened to me and i do not like what is staring ack at me.I have failed all!Failed my family and failed myself!Little to offer anyone At all!Broke,hopeless,homeless.and pretty much a wretched shell of a human being.I just dont know anymore if ill ever be "allright"!!It seems to me i like to look for the worst then suject myself to my own inner turmoil and others as well.Misery loves company but actually i think its become tired of me!!Imagine that,even the worst born leper would run from me!Im tired,so fucking tired.Sometimes i wonder if ill ever again be back in control of "ME"!This disease has really taken me where id never would have believed.Ive done things that i cant even express how much dissapointment and shame hovers all around me!!IF the drugs still worked i would surely be getting high.Thats for sure you wouldnt ask twice you would plainly see.But even my being has desisded to deprive me of any chance of escaping me!But toss in a few others to stir the pot and magnify the hell of my life and what will never become of me.Im a mascot for the hopeless and hurting and i beg my god for just a few seconds of peace and what do they fucking call it?Serenity?HA yeah right im lost and may never be found.The funny thing is that i do understand the only person who can get to the source of all that this feeds is me and u know i just dont trust me!!So here i will sit i assume till the pain gets to great and i give up fot eternity and load a syringe with more than, PLENTY ,to wash over me the warmth of an ending not meant to be seen!!There i will sit untill someone realizes that my intentions were good but plan and tact oh how shitty!!So with that i will go and sit in my head and dream of the day when i no longer have to deal with "ME"!!!
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Hey Kirk. I remember I came to see Buzzoven play way back in my post-college days, back in Savannah, Georgia. You came out on stage, spat beer on me, then called me a "schoolboy faggot". Throughout the show, a bunch of Buzzoven's fans threw lite firecrackers at me and threatened me with violence (keeping with the theme of your music and obviously taking your lead). Stubbornness, and the desire to NOT look like a coward prevented me from leaving, and I watched you play the entire show. I've often wondered what would prompt someone to be such an unthinkable fucking dick to a dude that just came TO SEE YOU FUCKING PLAY.
ReplyDeleteI recently met Dixie Dave at a Weedeater show. He's really cool and outgoing and nice to his fans. I related my Buzzoven story and he said "Yeah, that sounds like Kirk"
I don't really have a purpose for post, other than to illustrate that what you put out is what you get back. I'm not really a believer in karma per say, but I've always found that negativity begets more negativity.
Regardless, I hope you find peace and happiness and I'm glad you're getting the chance to play with your old band again. Buzzoven's music is timeless and brilliant, and I think you guys were the template for scary Southern sludge.
As an official adult, I hope you've reflected a bit and are making an effort to be better to your fans though. It was a long time ago, but that shit really wasn't cool, dude. You came really close to prompting a fan of doom metal to get his ass beat for wanting to see live music.