Saturday, July 18, 2009

Should I......???

You know ive been in the music bussiness on and off for like around 20 years now and i must say ive started to realize over the past couple of months why so many musicians end up self medicating to cope with life.I mean its like disregarding whatever already present mental issues you might have or predisposition because of family etc.....i got high to cope with the fact that i was broke no matter how many shows i played or interviews i did etc,etc....!!I mean this is a very unforgiving bussiness and man lets face it,either your doing well makin money and drawing a audience or your broke and your lucky if your friends come out to witness you play!!Ive been having the most difficulty though just coping with pre stage/show anxiety etc...and especially when im playing solow i feel like im about to go insane with nervous energy and nervousness over any and every element of what shouldnt be a difficult thing for me considering the countless times ive been on stage with buzzov-en.Anyway its been more than obvious that people are broke these days and fewer people can even afford to go to a show let alone buy a cd or possibly a t-shirt.So ive determined that the people i know will obtain a copy of my cd or anything their heart really desires if i feel they will actually listen to the cd or wear the shirts.It just seems like its the best thing to do since my solow project is really my primary thing and despite everyone elses desire to see buzzov-en reunite in some form or fashion im dedicating most all of my energies into k-lloyd in both live solow alone and with The Disciples in NOLA and hopefully soon sometimes with just lead gtr accompinyment!!Yeah i cant spell,HAHAHAHA...

As much as i would love to do a reunion with buzzoven early lineup and at a loss lineup,these aspects of the bussiness im speaking of keep me from having any real faith that the reunion will ever happen without someone with some serious cash to fund just getting everyone in the same room at the same time!!Actually the money is secondary to what it would take to get the machine called Buzzov-en up and rolling again.I am leary of how much i can handle in regards to the stress that ill have to deal with just getting the rehearsals arranged and getting new and old unreleased stuff out!!

Anyway im just feeling a real disconnection with the whole playing live when nobody even really gives a shit and im starting to really see through clear(well clearer)eyes!!I mean the whole whos who and clicks and social bullshit that goes on with many areas of life.I mean for the most part im witnessing a shallowness that is very unattractive to me when it comes to doing interviews,talking with friends and fans,getting on this label or that label and the list goes on...I dont know i just am not excited about dealing with all the red tape or having to put on a smile to talk with people and really all i wanna do is play!

I mean i am way more excited about the music im writing now than i ever was about buzzov-en.Its a whole lot more pressing playing acoustic and actually singing,i know that!!Im going to hang in there and try to be better about doin press and trying to just move ahead even though so much of me feels like pursuing much touring is futile,except i do believe its the only way im gonna get heard and get more comfortable about especially playing solow alone!I mean me and Mike Davidson were talking about how buzzov-en was completely antisocial with the samples and fact that i rarely spoke or connected with the audience unless i was trying to provoke someone or everyone!!

I do know that ive always held a deep dissapointment that i never went to Europe and im definately planning a k.lloyd european tour.My label owner Matt King has been super great and is new to the whole label thing but i think we can take k.lloyd pretty far and beyond the whole sludge/heavy scene!!Im really dying to get introduced to the country/folk scenes and build a NEW audience away and not in the ashes of buzzov-en.

As for this Buzzov-en reunion or getting the second linup back together ill keep you posted.Who knows.I dont know if its really condusive to where i wanna go and the person i am now but i do know the fact that we helped start a whole genre of music and pretty much imploded before really getting to make a true dent in some heads that it might be fun to do some shows and possibly a new record!But on the other hand it really could be the death of me as well!!So im just not really sure at all........................................................To Thine own self Be True!! or "Fully Loaded and Goin Off The Deep End"??HHMMMMMM.............later,kirklloyd