Well its been quite sometime since ive wrote on this blog and im gonna try to get back to it and share with everyone whats goin on with me!!As most who know me or anyone who has read anything on this blog i think its evident i struggle with the a disease they call ADDICTION!!Ive been on a medication called Methadone for 10 years and have wanted to get off of it for awhile now and have tried afew times with no luck.The withdrawl from this substance is long and very painful and ive never been able to make it past more than like 8-10 days without it.Anyway this past November i got locked up for Trespassing of all things and couldnt make bond and was in jail for around 3 weeks kicking the methadone the entire time.Needless to say when i got out i was still sick and got back on but stayed at a low milligram with the intention to getoff once and for all.Ive had to switch over to another newer medicine that works a little diffrently called suboxone but from what ive been told its much easier to ween off of this than the methadone plus you get the suboxone from a doctor not a clinic.
Along with this ive dedicated myself back to the recovery process and 12 step meetings etc...Now some of you may think this is hokey or lame or whatever but for me man its a matter of ive come to a point where im such a miserable person with or without drugs that its either try something diffrent or just go on and blow my fucking head off!!Thats the only way i know how to put it.Ive just gotten to a point where it seems like no matter how hard i try to get things together in diffrent areas of my life i fall short every time.Im always saying im half the man i used to be well maybe if i do this program a man i never even knew i could be.I plan to write and journal here as often as i can.Im also gonna start putting excerpts from my memoir ive been working on which is mostly stories from days on the road with my band buzzov-en.
Anyway i hope maybe someone might get something from reading this blog cause im gonna be doin it for me mainly!!!
Unfortunately, long term opioid abuse causes the brain to cease producing natural opiates (endorphins)--sometimes temporarily, sometimes permanently. The longer and heavier the use, the more likely permanent damage will occur. And many studies indicate that some opioid addicts may have been predisposed to opioid addiction by a natural lack of endorphins--which was then made worse by opiate abuse--so in these folks' case a return to their normal endorphin production would still leave them deficient in endorphins.
ReplyDeleteEndorphins are the chemical that enables us to feel pleasure and happiness in normal levels. Without endorphins, the patient feels severely depressed, anhedonic (unable to feel pleasure), exhausted, irritable, anxious. It's a very miserable way to live. For some, this will gradually subside once they become abstinent--but for others with permannet damage, this never occures. No matter how many 12 step meetings they attend, counseling sessions they go to, or therapy they receive, they will still feel this way, because the problem is biochemical and must be addressed with evidence-based medical help, not just with prayers and stepwork.
For these folks, long-term methadone and suboxone are the appropriate treatment. These medications replace the missing endorphins in the same way that insulin replaces the natural insulin no longer being made by the diabetic pancreas. Another example is the patient who abuses anabolic steroids to enhance sports performance, then finds after ceasing the drug use that he has weight gain, lowered libido, lethargy, etc and this is due to the body ceasing to produce testosterone during his drug usage. Often this requires long-term testosterone supplementation in a patch or injections, as the damage is often permanent. These are not cures--they simply allow the person to control their symptoms to the point where they are able to live a normal life. The goal of Medication Assisted Treatment (MAT) is not to be drug free--the goal is to be free of drug ABUSE and to rebalance the brain chemistry of the user.
It is possible you were never correctly dosed. What is your reasoning for wanting to get off your medication? Many people try to get off methadone because they are pressured by family members or other outside sources (12 step groups, counselors, PO's, etc) who may mean well but do not fully understand how the brain chemistry issues work. Or, they may feel they are not in "real" recovery as long as they take medication. Recovery, to me, is about the fruits of your life. If someone is responsible, productive, reliable, relatively happy, takes care of their family obligations, works (if able), has a good support system, etc--THAT is what recovery means--not whether or not someone takes a medication to stabilize dysfunctional brain chemistry.