Music:old and new is freeing my soul!

So with access to the internet ive been tapping into new music and rediscovering the old that i love and its been helping me immensely.Ive realized once again that with a clear mind and with my spirit becoming stronger each day that my extreme love of music will continue.Ive escaped into music since i was a small child and its always helped me cope with my hurt,pain and emotions.Im hoping and praying that it will be a positive thing as i use it for therapeuitic means today.Outlaw country and the singers of grunge bands past is my preferred sounds but im being open minded as i close a chapter of my past and hope that god opens a door for the future.I became a person i hated in my many days in buzzov-en and i wore a mask that i see really wasnt me.It was mean and it was violent and i believe that was how i coped for whatever reason.Im soul searching and im getting ready to pick my acoustic back up and pursue my "solow" music as i called it.Good friends of mine helped me open the door to this new aspect of my creative flow,quite a few years back.T-roy Medlin(sour vein)and Jimmy Bower(Down,EHG) helped me record and supported me when i was not too confident and to those two im eternally grateful.I may never do buzzov-en again but who knows?I do believe God has some kind of plan for me though and im turning over to him the results.Im also grateful to the many friends and fans who have been pouring out their love and support to my new walk of life and struggle with addiction.Anyway im getting through the day.Thankful i can tap the soul with music.Its a gift not being in my pain and misery.So...............................we will see!

Recovery:A new path for a once hopeless Junkie

Okay im 43 days totally clean & sober!!I feel good and its an understatement to say its been a long road back too getting all the narcotics out of my system.Its taken what it has taken and i fully realize this is only the beggining to this journey that i only honestly tried over 13 years ago.Life can be hard,but ya know life being a fullblown Addict is really fucking hard as well.Self doubt has plagued me since i was a small child and only with chemical comfort was i able to walk through much of my life.On the flip side ive been a cocky prick that was ready to dive head first into the world of extreme music as well as a person who thrived on chaos for many years.I certainly dont want to preach cause i honestly know nothing about this new path except i have hope that i can do it cause many others have done it and continue to do it to this day that i know and used with.Some maybe not as sick as me and some sicker.Ive dwelled in the world of pain,anger,misery and depression for far too long,The sad thing is i thought i found solace there and i guess in some sense i did become comfortable sitting in my own misery.I came to the point though where i was welcoming death but also horribly afraid of what would be if i ate a bullet or intentionally took a hot shot.The drugs werent working anymore and as i stood,well nodded at deaths door many times i just couldnt take another day in the hell i was in.I firmly believe if i dont grasp onto life and positive people new and old in my life this disease ive been struggling with is going to fucking kill me.It already has tried many times but for some reason ive been spared.I have HOPE!!On the flip side im scared as hell and everything feels really awkward and strange.Its not easy but i choose to go on in the direction ive never walked for very long at all ever before.
I do want to say though that ive been overwhelmed with positive support from family and friends who have known me for years and it means a whole lot to me now.As i walk this road i plan to write all i can and blog here as well because im so ready to dump this shit that keeps me so fucked up.I know ive got to take it slow but the addict in me wants everything and i want it now.A quick fix it will not be but im hanging on for today and its my hope that one day i can help someone who has been as hopeless as me.
Music is a huge part of my life and i have no doubt that it will remain in some way but for now im staying focused on getting well.Who knows how long that will take but one fact i do know,im 30 years expierenced in self destruction,misery and pain so it will probably be slow.Im ok with that though.Dont know what the future holds but it cant be as bad as the pure living hell i was bathing on so like i said im taking the road ive never travelled!!!

Shit Talking Fools

Say what you will as i choose to stay to my own self and be true.If you must stir up drama to make your life eventful please leave me out of it.Ive had and stirred enough shit up for 10 lives lived in this attention seeking misery and a waste of oxygen.I have love for all my friends past and present but as many in my life have done me in times of utter chaos i will just cut you out and not respond to this fucking ignorance.Music is art:its not a contest and their are no winners and losers if you are creating and accomplishing even small goals of attainment with whatever your art or form of self expression.Life is misery at times and learning to chanel it thru music not social breast beating is my mission.Anyway just wanted to get that off my chest!!!See ya'all on the west coast on the upcoming buzzoven tour!!!